who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
