you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
