WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This baby is an asshole
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
