Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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