the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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