never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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