at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
