For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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