I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
