it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
