did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
