I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
