The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
