my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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