I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
