So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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