I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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