You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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