My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
