pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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