loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
