I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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