I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
