I should be sponsored by Trojan
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
