I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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