he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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