woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
