So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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