Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
