I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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