you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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