once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
