why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
