Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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