its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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