Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
