this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
