TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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