Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
