Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
