I CAN MOONWALK!
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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