Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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