I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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