just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
