when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
