whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I did not marry a roomba.
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