Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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