Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
