Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i will never coherently bang her
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
