Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
