I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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