ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
