It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
