2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
