It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
