Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
