Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
