She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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