Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
