You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
