the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
