She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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