the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
