she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
