I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
