I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
