So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
