Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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