What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When are your genitals available?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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