She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
