so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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