just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
