Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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