I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
