Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize